Wednesday, February 17, 2010


wierd post title right?
while im writing this post right now, my dad is talking shit abut me!!!
i dont know, im realy confused, is it my dad hates me?? is it all the fathers in the world treat and talk abt thier sons bad, or its my dad only?!!
i jst wana knw why he is doin this to me?!! is it cuz i keep my mouth shut when he yells at me and beats me cuz i respect he is being my father, old and sick man..
i almost 23 years old and the other day while i was driving the car and dad was in the passenger seat he slapped me in my face and beated me on my arm with piece of metal he had on him, guess why? cuz he said to me to turn left, bt i didnt hear him, i swear i didnt hear him..
he said no, "u dont respect me, u always do wat u want to do!!!" and offcourse talkin bad,cursing and beating me..
sometimes he sends me to do something, i go there and sometimes i face problems and i solve them in my way, bt wen i get back,dad curses me cuz i didnt do it in other way!!! and all the ways leads to the same result!!
it makes me feel lil less self-confidence, it hurts my personality, cuz it makes me feel tht everytime i go and do soemthing, dad wont agree abt how i did it!!
even sometimes it makes me feel lil bit afraid while im talkin to some1,cuz i dont knw for somehow i get feeling tht this person will/wants curse me, even i havnt done anything wrong!! cuz it reminds on my dad, cuz if i do good or bad things either ways i'll be cursed!!!
sometimes wen i think abt marriage and having kids, i say no dude no kids, i dont wana be father!!
sometimes,i jst wana talk to him peacefully and calmly bt i stop, cuz i afraid tht he curses me, so i dont realy have much talk with my dad,i always talk to him with very few words and right to the point with no discusions, watever he says i do and i confirm it on him jst in case i miss something..
there have come days, tht i wake up on his yells at me, every damn morning for abt a month, bt the good think was, i was waking up beside his yells, with a beautiful SMS from heroine saying good morning my love Sam!
so her sms gives me a relief, like injured person giving him a pain killer..
for all wat happens i still love my dad so much and i realy cant bare the idea of thinkin tht he is gone, cuz i imagine myself tht i'll be realy devastated and broken wen i dont see him or knowing tht he is not around..
andi love my mom more then my dad, i realy realy love my mom, she is always defending me..
there is no word in vocabulary can describes my mom, she is more then an angel, she is an angel without wings..

well dad said his last curse on me jst right now which is im "a stupid animal!!" last curse for now,bt not last forever!!

well fellas i better run now our home quite again!! but it think my mom crying!!

c ya folks..