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My story with: Leave Out All The Rest (LINKIN PARK)..

Someday in September 2007, I was out on a mission in the desert and for me it was the first mission after I came back from leave. the mission was for 5 days as I went on this mission I didn't have the chance to tell my family or Amy via email: hey I'll be gone for sometime so u guys don't be worry abut me..

Anyways during the mission I was so worry cuz I know my family and Amy expecting an email from me everyday. but I was out there in desert in the middle of NOWHERE..
so the last night I had in desert I was in high level of thinking about my family and Amy worries..
Before I sleep I was listening to LINKIN PARK and right before I slept I kept replaying "Leave Out All The Rest" cuz the words were matching my situation. So I kept playing this song over and over again till I passed out..

After that I had a dream and it was:-
I was out on a mission, Amy and my family were so worry about me cuz they didn't hear anything from me and I knew they were so worry..
I am still in my dream, once I came back from my mission I went to check my email and I found that I had 2 emails from Amy, I went back home on leave, when I reached home I saw a looooot of people in my house with my family but the house was not the same one we live in…anyways I went there and I saw Amy, she was crying and then she hugged me and told me why did I disappear? and why did not I tell them?
She said: we've been so worry about you. I told her Am sorry I had mission to do it was out of my hand. Then she said: u are not going back to this work and I won't let u…I told her I'm sorry I have to…she said NO we are going to get married and I won't let u go back to this work cuz I don't want to be worry about your absence anymore, I want u to stay here..
Later, we walked out the house and there were a looooot of airplanes from different kinds in front the house in an open field, Amy and I were watching the airplanes flying and landing while hugging each other..

My family and everybody were happy for me and Amy. I told her ok Amy I'll find another job so I can spend most of the time with u..

The end of the dream

I woke up the next day and I was just praying to get back to the camp ASAP so I can send emails to my family and Amy telling them I'm ok.
I was trying to keep the dream in mind so I won't forget it cuz I really liked the dream..
We headed back, I just saw something that I'll never ever forget and it was what I had in my dream, became true. As I was checking my emails, there were 2 emails from Amy!! one after one just like in the dream, she was worry about me, that's why she sent 2 emails. I was like wow!!.. oh my goodness!!. its true Sam, part of the dream is true dude!!

Now I just want u guys to listen to this song and tell me what u think abut it.. its MATCHING MY DREAM!!

The link for the song is here ...

enjoy listening..

I dreamed I was missing. You were so scared. But no one would listen. Cause no one else cared. After my dreaming. I woke with this fear. What am I leaving!!??.. When I'm done here?? .....etc.
it just shows my LIFE perfectly..

Events in my Life&other Terps Life..

hello ppl,
i'll keep updating this post everytime something happens to me or to any terp i know during our job..
April-17-08:- today we were out in mission and there were alot of IED's (Impressive Explosions Devices) on the road..so anyways we were trying to defuse them, i was watching them, looking at them and paying attention to what they doing..suddenly a soldier "one of my friends" came behind me, i didnt know he was coming towards me and yelled "BOOOM" and touched me in the back..
i was like dude u scared the shit out of me and u almost get me a heart attack, he was like am sorry man i'm just training u to be ready for everything, i was like anyways thanx bastard for scaring me..anyways no1 of us got hurt but there was one already blowed up and it hurted civi iraqis just like usual!!
April-18-08:- Today was my cousin wedding party, and sadly i didnt join the party cuz im here at my work!!..she called me and she said Sam plz come, cuz im the crazy dude in the family lol, so i make the party more pleasant and share thier happiness..
But unfortuntily just like i didnt have the chance to attend my bro wedding party last year..now im missing my cousin also..what a happiness I'm living!!
April-18,19&20-08:- Myself and other terp had been selected as the best terps in the FOB(Forward Operation Base) here,due to our good job they chosed us to work somewhere else for couple days cuz they need more help there..but like i thought its worse life in this new place where i'm now..but anyways hopefully its only 48 hrs or max 72 hrs..
Now im with new guys but they good and friendly also..thanx god for everything he gives me which it was bad or good!!
April-20-08:- Myself & C. the other terp, we got back to our old base after spending 2 nights plus 3 days..it wont that bad acxept no good showers or latrines or good food..but the soldiers&the officers they were so good,during this short time i realy got long with 'em cuz i luv ROCK and METAL music&they do, they copied for me some music that i luv..anyways we got back peacefully.. Anyways when i got back a new girl that i just knew for like 5 days ago through the internet and she is my friend sister,now i had her#and i start being bad person..am so ashamed from wat im doin..but i did cuz Amy left me..i made a decsion that i'll start Drinkin, doin Drugs&Sex..cuz i got nothing worth in my life..nothing makes me happy for lil bit..
So then i sent SMS to Amy and i told her ''Im betraying my family,my religion&my goodness cuz of u,u fucked the shit otta of me,u turned me to bad person..Am full with SHAME cuz of u..im sure u still dont care abut me..its allright though!!.." Then she called me and i cudnt ans her from the 1st time cuz i was crying inside..then i collected my power and i talked to her for like more then 2 hours.. i just wanted from her to be nice with me and supporting me,i just want her be by my side..i dont want us to be boy-girlfriend anymore i just want us be a normal friends caring abut each other..
but she refused and she chosed to burn the 3 beautiful years we had..i told her OKAY i hate God cuz he turned u to devil to me, i hate God, cuz God never helped me,God never showed me mercy..im sick and tired..Then I asked her to do me one thing for the sake of our old relationship and its: JUST PRAY ME TO DIE,LIKE GETTING SHOT IN THE FOREHEAD OR IN MY SICK HEART will makes me rest forever..but she refused also..
Anyways we hanged off and she left me like a pig, and she said do what u wana do, i dont care abut u, i just care abut ur family cuz ur family losing u..then BYE..
in that time i realy never wished to DIE like this..if killing myself not gonna take me to hell, i'll fuckin kill myself, but im hopin i die here so i can go to heaven cuz i live in hell already in my country!! I slept that night and i was praying to sleep and NEVER WAKE again..i slept maybe like 3 in the morning..
April-21-08:-TODAY is my HAPPIEST DAY since feb-1-08(the day me and Amy we broke up), this morning i had SMS from Amy saying "If u want things get better,u must change&i'll be by ur side, but if u wont change, then forget the meaning of hope with me!!"
i told her "Ok Amy i'll change&be better&i'll leave that bad gurl&i'll do my best to believe in God again...tx for being in my side..Im so GLAD.."
then she sent another SMS "U r welcome&i wish u all good&happiness IF u go back to GOD&to ur normal life..take care.."
Then i told her "I'll Amy..Am not gonna waste my future as long u supporting me..and i'll realy take care cuz i dont wana die anymore...tx again Amy.."
I realy feel so glad cuz Amy now stand by my side..I FEEEL SOOOO HAPPY and GOD PLZ FORGIVE ME FOR ALL I DID&HELP ME TO STAND UP AGAIN&MAKING MY LIFE LIL BIT EASIER..
Now i just wish everything goes well and be happy for couple hours everyday..i hope so..
Pray for me fellas plzzzz..
April-22-08:-I had aloooong night but it was fun, we had action and i was like YES im goin have fun..then i was in the front line of fire and then i remembered My Fam,Amy and ppl cares abut me and ppl told me to take care abut myself..so i backed up cuz i dont need to be in the front line but cuz im crazy i was there..anyways no1 of us got hurt and thanx god but hopefull the JAM got hurt but we not sure if they hurted or no.. i cudnt sleep just for like maybe only 3 hours..cuz when we got back i had to communicate between us and the Iraqi Forces to see wat they need or watever..it was long night and its not the first night or the last night..im guessing im gonna have more fun next few days due to JAM chaos call..God bless us..

Words for Amy (my ex-girlfriend)

Amy, she is my ex-girlfriend, i knew her for 3 years wornderful relationship, and suddenly she just left me for NO REASON, she just turned my life from worse to wrost..with her i had hope in my life,without her im hopless and sick..

Amy u can make my life HEAVEN or u can make it HELL..its ur choice!!

I luv u Amy and i miss u..

To the first and last girl I've ever loved..
To the first and last girl I write poetry about..
To the first and last girl who made me cry for days and nights..

To Amy..

Devastated Heart

I'm trying so hard to say I hate u..
I'm trying so hard to go on without u..
I'm trying so hard to get u out of my heart..
I'm trying so hard to get u out of my think..
I'm trying so hard to get u out of my veins and say u gone..
But here we r and there so far we've become..
Smuggling from my pain and misery..
Running away from life cant be ever merciful to me..
Hiding away from life cant be ever kindness to me..
These things won't ever leave me alone..
It looks like I born to be jaded without breaks..
It looks like I have to fall down on my face and kiss my life good-bye..
And when I die, you'll miss me!!

But here we are and there so far we've become..
I see u in my dreams and u wandering away from me in my facts..
Its too much stress that breaks my heart to parts..
I'm down on my hands and knees and I almost be all down..
Please trust me and take my hand..
When I get up you'll understand and you'll give me a thank..
But here we r and there so far we've become..
****

I asked the elves why do I always fall down when I get up?
I asked the angels why should I pay for people mistakes?
I asked my heart why do u always scream and cry when no one cares for u?
These questions keep running in my head for days and days..
No one cares, no one understands..
Please I need answers heals my heart cuts and wounds..
I won't fall down, I won't give up..
I won't give up to my fake life and my bad luck..
I won't give up to people changing..
No matter what happens cuz I can't change the person who I'm..
And I won't cuz people feelings not a game!!
Not a game u can play it whenever u want and toss it whenever u like..
Can u see how fast I'm drowning? can u feel me?
Can u hear me screaming? though I can hear u whispering..
I realized I'm so uncomforted and confused..
When and how it'll be over?
Sometimes I say things and I regret and I apologize..
Even it didn't hurt as much u hurt me..
Darling I forgive u after all, if u treat me well..
Cuz I can't live this life and u r not by my side..
It's not over, its just a page has been turned over..
I've painted on every piece of my heart, I LUV U WITH NO REGRETS..
And I'm your SEMPER FIDELIS..

And I'm A DEVASTATED HEART..
You can starve me for years and years..
You can shoot me on the leg..
You can cut me off in pieces and feed the dogs from me..
You can burry me a life in a grave..
You can keep me in a misery and loneliness cage for hundred of years..
You can do whatever u want but U CANT stop me loving and dreaming of u..
You can be who u want and I still cuz I truly love u..
I believe in God and fate though sometimes we can create our fate..
So I won't give up and I'll wait for u to be close to u again..
I'll ride monsters and dragons just to be close to u..
I'll ride planes and rockets just to be close to u..
I'll sail ships and submarines just to be close to u..
I'm willing to die just to be close to u and part of u..
****

I'm trying to kill my pain but it only generates more..
Please stop this pain and treat me like a human with feelings...
Or do I have to die and then u will?
I hope u are not intending to be stubborn, please be nice with me..
Tell me WHAT HAVE I DONE?!! so I deserve to be like this?
I'll start again to be with u again and WHATEVER PAIN MAY COME!!

Semper Fi,

Sam

March-2nd-08

PART 1-A

Part 1 officially starts here and this is PART 1-A:-

We flew to B. area and our flight was for like 10 minutes in the Big Bitch (name of the helicopter)..before we get that flight, F and I went to the chow hall(Military individuals restaurant), F and I wore Marines uniform and we looked like Marines themselves. when we got in, the workers greeted us with more respect cuz we were wearing the uniform. it was funny..
Anyways, while we were flying the helicopter ceiling was dropping oil on us. we were getting dirty with oil. the Big Bitch is the worse helicopter I've ever seen…

we landed in desert at about 11:10 pm and they took us to a base in desert it was new base, they were just starting their first steps of building the base. There were no buildings, no latrines, no showers, there were only tents and portable toilets (shit bags)..that was sucks..
In the afternoon the company commander came and introduced himself to me and to my buddy F.. he said: F is going to work with searching houses team and Sam u r going to work in a Traffic Check Point(TCP)..my buddy F. was so scared, I looked at him and I saw the fear in his eyes. I asked the Capt. : sir which one is more dangerous? he replied the searching houses one. I told him Capt. I'll take it and ford in the TCP.. he said u sure Sam. I said Yes Capt. F. can't hold up with this kind of job and as usual I jeopardize my life and took more risk for my buddy F. cuz I knew he can't take it..

Then we spent the night in small tent and it was soooooo damn cold it was in December. imagine December and in the middle of the desert without blanket. F and I covered ourselves with our clothes and we couldn't sleep for a complete hour cuz it was freezing..
Anyway we woke up that morning , the water was frozen on the tent edges. I was like dude we should thank God for staying alive..

Then the Capt. sent me to work with the searching houses team..
They took me and it was the 1st time in my life I get in a Humvee (jeep hummer), I didn't know how will I start my translation and what was wiaiting for me..
W black Marine took me to another Marine guy his name starts with M. he was an intelligence man they go by HET guys.. I didn’t know what HET stands for!!
Anyways I began working with him and we were on missions of house search , house after house..

On the next morning while on the way to first house we start searching and there were only 2 girls one of them was like 19 years old beautiful girl and their mom. and the house owner was in Baghdad, she looked like Amy (the girl I've talked abut earlier) my best close friend I've ever had.. anyways that girl is in college too I was thinking of making a friendship with her but I said dude I cant give her my email or my name or whatever, I talked to her for a little bit just bullshitting and I was so damn polite though, then she was trying to speak lil bit English to the Marines cuz they were searching her room, her closet and her clothes. then she came to me and told me "bro u r Iraqi and these soldiers looking through "my under wears" they are looking through it" then I laughed my ass off and I told her: sis they ain't Iraqis they are Americans!! I told M. about it so he told the Marines to stop searching her room..
At that night we were walking and I saw a big hole on the side of the corner street, I saw a Humvee door, I told M. hey is that a Humvee door? he was like yes Sam that's what the IED did to it. I was like god I've seen many things didn't make it as a good start, please god protect me and keep me a life, I don't want to die here. by the way I wrote on my helmet NO FEAR and in the back of it GOD BLESS..

Anyways one of the searching nights we went to a house and the Marines already found a bad stuff in that house. so M and I went there to investigate...we went down there and it was the first time in my life I investigate to 4 ppl..it scared me for awhile but I had used to it, and really liked the HET work..

While I was working I was so scared as I was watching every single movement happens in the road and thinking a lot about what the enemies could do.. M always was watching my back and I remember he told me, "Sam whenever u turn your eyes on me you'll see me watching u", he was really watching me and taking care of me. I liked M. he was good guy and he just had a baby girl like 10 days before I met him..

Anyways I really had bad times and scary but the Marines were so good with me..
The funny thing is when I was talking to an officer or higher up ranks I call them in their names cuz in that time I didn't know what the ranks are! The Marines were looking at me when I talk to higher up and call him in his name ;P
They were always coming up to me and asking: hey Sam where are we going next? cuz I work with the HET and pretty much I know what we are going to do next, I was like I don't know and I'm not authorized to say!! lol..

One day we went to search a house and there were only females and kids. anyway we entered that house and started searching the house, suddenly the housewife start yelling at me and cursing me and calling me a disloyal and man without honor "cuz I work with the Americans" I told her I'm not here for u I'm here for myself lady, I'm a translating machine. I don't blame her cuz her husband is a bad guy and her older son too .anyways M. ran to me and told me what the f**k is she saying. I told him she is cursing me blah blah blah...he told me Sam do u want me to hurt her? I told him dude she is just a bitch, she is a sick woman.
we searched the house very good and we left..

I felt so bad that day cuz my own ppl hates me.

When we headed to the house that we'll spent the night at, M noticed that I was feeling so sad and misery, he was trying to comfort me and he asked me: Sam do u feel proud for what u are doing, honestly? I said "Yea I'm so proud cuz I'm doing this for myself, for my family, but unlucky I cant tell my friends how much I'm proud for what I'm doing!! not even after 20 year from now cuz they will see me like a traitor as a spy.. I'm doing this to revenge from the INSURGENTS who took our houses and fucked up my life over.. I'm here for money, to rebuild what my dad built in his 50 years life working"..

He was like " I'm sorry bro, but trust me Sam there'll come a day and you'll tell your family what u are doing and they'll be proud of u as all Iraqis will be..

At about mid night I went to the toilet in that night in the house we spending the night in. I walked there and I smelled a smoke coming from one of the rooms, I went in that room and saw the room burning and the Marines were sleeping and they didn't feel it cuz they were damn tired. then I start shouting FIRE!! FIRE!! after that we put down the fire and then all of them came and thanked me for saving their lives..

in that night and after I really felt they start trusting me more cuz I saved them..


Another accident happened I didn't like, that one was while we were searching one of the houses, the house owner originally from Baghdad and I asked him where from Baghdad, he said X city and I said where at in it? he said in Y area, I turned to M telling him dude this guy lives in my hood and he is about 200 meters away from my old house. I was really grateful to god cuz I was covering my face and he couldn't recognize me, neither did I, but he looked familiar to me ,anyway everything went good after that..

After few days M and I went to the TCP where my buddy F was at. I saw F. there and I almost cried cuz I didn't see him for like more than 8 days..
he wasn't that good in English in the early beginning, so I was helping him to translate and sometimes the Marines talk shit about him and he didn't know what the heck they were saying!! He was just like O.K.

I remember once one of the Marines told him to do for him blow-job just for kidding with him and F. said O.K. was like dude do u know what the hell he just told u? he is like NO, I told him don't answer anything if u don't know what he means, I laughed my ass off and the Marine knew that I knew what he meant, he asked me how do u know that Sam? I told him dude I watch movies a lot and I listen to American songs..

anyway I remember in one of the frozen nights I had in the TCP, M and I were sleeping together in females searching room.

In the next morning the female Marines came and asked me "Is M. good with u in bed?" I was like no he is not but u could be if u want!! M. said that was a good one Sam lol, the females Marines they were nice with me and beautiful too..

The most funny thing happened in the TCP is when a new interpreter came to the TCP and he asked F. how he can use the toilets, F. told me go there and do your thing in the shit bag and then bring the shit bag to the fire hole. The interpreter said: are you serious? that's disgusting, I think u mean I bring the bag to the commander!!. lol..

During that time I called my family for like 2 or 3 minutes cuz the network was sux and then I called Amy too. I missed them so much and I was always missing them, they didn't get call from me for more then 15 days and they were so worry about me..
Every time over there before I sleep I try to remember my family faces, my nephews and Amy too. I didn't have pictures of my family with me but I had one for Amy which I keep in my wallet..

I won't forget these days. they were so scarey, bad and cold nights and days but there were lil bit fun and it really taught me good lessons to be tough in life.
By the way I couldn't take a shower for the whole 2 weeks cuz there were no showers, I just was cleaning off my body with baby wipes..

Anyways M tried to keep me working with him cuz he liked me and he didn't like any other interpreter, but the Capt. refused cuz I was assigned to somewhere else..
Those 2 weeks were the worse I've ever had in my 19 years old and these 2 weeks were just the beginning to worst days and days..

F, Alex and I flew back to AA..

That was most of PART 1-A

Correction

Dear readers,

I noticed that there were some sort of error while visiting my blog, so I thought of deleting that first one and establishing this new blog, I also pasted all your comments from that blog to here on my previous post.

Marshmallow26 said...

Hello Sam,Welcome to the blogsphere and keep up the high spirit :)Marsho

13 April 2008 11:35

Sam said...
thanx Marsho..yea i'll do my best to show the ppl wat is realy terps life..its not like wat they thing..its not NICE..its SUX..but its still one foot for another..c ya.

13 April 2008 15:15

Mister Ghost said...

Hello Sam,Welcome aboard.But why does your site have a content warning?That might scare away people from visiting you.Well, you're getting off to a good start with your blog.I'm picturing your situation in my mind: You're the son of an upper class Shia family living in a mixed neighborhood. Your family owns three homes. So, you're wealthier than the average Iraqi family. The insurgents (Sunni) have been keeping an eye on your properties. Someone in their group might be jealous of your wealth. Then your family gets the letter with the bullet... and your life is changed forever.

13 April 2008 23:10

Thanks for your patience

Sam

My story - part 1

Firstly, I will do my best to remember everything, I mean even bad things that I've done I'll say only the truth even if its against me or against other interpreters.

Secondly I'd like to talk a little bit about myself, my name is Sam,1987,Baghdad..i go to college and I study computers..

In 2005 while I was in high school my buddy F and I like to talk with Americans and bullshitting with them because we love English. One day we went to the International Zone ( I.Z.) just to talk with them and taking a test of interpretation, at that time we did not attend to work as Interpreters ..but we did the test and we passed.

We went home like we did nothing.In Nov-10-2006 the insurgents came to my house and they dropped off an envelop with a bullet inside saying we have to leave our house otherwise they'll kill us..before that date I used to have a pretty life, friends, 3 big houses in the same street, 2 land line phones and a good money in my welt....etc.pretty much I had a nice life till Nov-10-2006 and then everything had suddenly gone because a damn threaten from the bastards due to the sectarian war..As a result we moved from our houses to our another house in a Shiite area, we own that house as well.

By the time we moved we did not have the chance to take our stuff, furniture and even clothes..During that time I was so God damn mad and pissed off from the whole situation...because its like someone was on top and then somebody kick him down and he falls down on his face.. that's how I was looking at it..

My family and I were wondering about our houses and reminiscing beautiful things abut our house. I was looking at my mom, dad and my sisters eyes they were in pain and filled with tears. I was so mad..Few days later, my buddy F was encouraging me to be Interpreter and he was telling me "man we lost our houses we got to work as Interpreters, its good money and in the same time to revenge from the insurgents" I told him all right bro lets do this because I can't stay longer here and watching my family grieving..

One day dad and I were out and I was driving. I told him dad I'm going to be an Interpreter. I finished all the process and am just about to fly out in the next few days. my dad was shocked..He told me this and I'll never forget what he said in that time. he said "son you're going to work with the occupation forces?? they r occupiers you can't and I won't let u because its so dangerous.." my dad kind of patriot man, he loves Iraq so much..I told him "dad they ain't occupiers, the real occupiers are the insurgents, they took our god damn houses and they threaten us ,aint they the real occupiers??

But dad kept trying to convince me to not go there, he was saying we'll make our living better by your older brothers' help and god will help us also..I was like Dad am going to do this because I cant stand being here and see mom and my sisters grieving and sad. so I'm going there if u agree or not..So finally dad gave up and we made a deal that nobody will know only dad not even my mom..Assuming I'm going to work up north, so anybody asks abut me they will say I'm up north working and I told my family I'm going up north, I didn't tell the truth so they won't be scared and worry about me because at that time west of Iraq was so bad..The same thing my buddy F did with his family..

Nov-19-2006 was the date of our flight from the IZ to Al Asaad (AA) Air base..during night time my buddy F, I and other interpreters flew from IZ to AA by a Black Hawk and it was the first time in my life I get in a bird before I get on the helo I sent SMS to girl I know, I call her Amy, she was so close to me and we were true friends.

We believed in friendship and we were hating the idea of love because we were only 19 years and its too early for love thing, we were really a true damn friends, u can say "innocent relationship", we were calling ourselves Close Friends. anyway I've sent her the sms and I told her: hey I'll fly now and keep me in your prayers, I'll miss u..when we took off from Baghdad I took a look at Baghdad city and I said " Baghdad, do u think I'll see u again alive?" I was crying from inside..

Anyway on the way to AA the pilot start shooting at something and he scared the shit out of me. I was like god please its only the beginning ..but thanks god everything was good so far..We reached AA after about more then an hour flying. we went to the interpreters tent and we stayed for like a week and there F and I saw a lot of interpreters there were injured and hurt in attacks and I was like god please don't do this to me. its not even a good start..Titan guy (Titian L3 the interpreters company), came looking for me and F and he took us to the supply room and he gave us our gear( gear is a word for all the military stuff like vest, helmet and uniform..)..We thought we were going to the area that we suppose to go, I'll call the area that myself and F assigned to is K camp..

I'm sorry I can't say names of places or individuals..But we were wrong ..because a captain came and asked us to go to B area as they got operations over there and they need Interpreters over there for only 2 weeks no more no less as he promised us..I didn't mind to go there and my buddy F. said Sam I go wherever u go..On the next day myself and other American-Iraqi interpreter he goes by Alex, flew to B area ..supposedly 4 interpreters should have gone there but the forth interpreter refused to go to that area.We the only 3 interpreters went there and we flew for 10 minutes to B. area...

and here actually part 1 starts when we went to B...